Interview Questions Guaranteed to Make You Hurl

(MoneyWatch)  An ambitious young advertising executive called me last week in tears. Between sobs, she managed to report that she'd just been through the most demeaning experience of her career.

"Were you fired?" I asked, radiating sympathy and paternal concern. "Demoted?"

"No," she said. "Worse."

"Sexual harassment?" I said. "Just tell me who it was and I'll lash him with my acid tongue."

"More humiliating," she whispered hoarsely.

"Don't tell me they cut your dental coverage," I said. This was potentially serious stuff.

"No," she said. "I was interviewing for that Managing Director position in our Sydney office. And I had to meet with the agency's Chief Recruiting Officer in London."

"What happened?" I said. "Was there a problem? Did she make you eat English food? Were there kidneys involved?"

"It's not a joke. She asked me...she asked..."

"C'mon, you can do it. Tell me what she said."

"She asked me if I were a breakfast cereal, what kind would I be!"

"Um...alright. And what did you say?"

"That's the problem...I froze! I didn't know what to say. I just sat there like an idiot with a big dumb grin on my face. It was the worst interview ever!"

"Okay," I admitted. "That is huge. I can't believe you screwed up so badly, particularly with your credentials. Say, where do you see yourself in five years - what about in ten - if you can't even answer a simple question? Why should they hire you?"

"You're not making this easier," she whimpered.

"Try to relax," I said reassuringly. "Maybe you'll feel better if you tell me about your worst boss."

Ever notice how every single person you've met throughout your whole life thinks they have a good sense of humor? Good taste in clothes? Believe themselves to be a nice person? A good judge of character? A good interviewer? What's up with that?

Ensuring a successful hire is both art and science. Multiple, interrelated factors such as years of relevant experience, proficiency with specific tools, problem-solving, capacity for teamwork, motivation, stamina, cultural fit and proprietary company resources are all fundamental. Oddly, final decisions are often connected to drippy questions like, "What do you most want to be remembered for?"

When I entered the search profession almost 26 years ago, it had recently become vogue for employers to ask candidates to identify their "biggest weakness" during an interview. Believe it or not, people actually struggled three or four seconds to find the best answer for this until it became apparent to everyone ­- all at once, it seemed -- to say, "I work too hard. I take my job too seriously." Whew.

Then those sneaky hiring managers found another, even more diabolical way to get at the same information. They started asking, "What's a common misperception people have about you?" The idea, of course, is that there are no misperceptions...and if you were naïve enough to walk into such an obvious trap, you sang like a canary. If you were on your toes, you suavely dodged a bullet by saying, "I don't really think people have any misperceptions about me. They unanimously agree that I'm a gifted genius and a selfless humanitarian."

The worst part is that there are no right answers to touchy feely questions. You can't study, you can't rehearse. Oh yeah...that, and the fact that none of this fluff has anything to do with your qualifications. What kind of animal are you? How do you take criticism? Can you work under pressure and deadlines? Are you a Mac or a PC? Did you ever punch an interviewer square in the face?

Sad to say, stupid interview questions haven't gone away -- they've just become more numerous and more annoying. While we're on the subject: What are your salary expectations, anyway?