5 Reasons to Hate Supermarkets

It used to be that people who left their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle and little old ladies with change purses were the extent of my angst at supermarkets. Not anymore. The grocery store has lately become a real teeth-grinder for me, and it's not just because I leave so much of my paycheck there. Check out my gripes:

Over-packaged fruits and vegetables: It's a joke that supermarkets are selling us reusable cloth shopping bags at the same time they're pre-packaging more of their produce in plastic containers. I used to enjoy sorting through tangles of string beans, inspecting the fresh field mix, and trying to pluck the perfect tomato or plum without toppling the pyramid. Now it's all wrapped in plastic "for my convenience." Even the watermelon is pre-sliced and packaged, which means no more thumping to judge its sweetness. What sense does it make lugging home reusable cloth bags stuffed with plastic refuse?

Coca-Cola trying to be my friend: In its latest marketing campaign, Coke is championing the fact that, among other things, it's moving calorie information to the front of its packages and introducing single-serving mini containers, which it calls "smaller bursts of happiness." Coke boasts: "It's just another thing we're doing to help make the world we all live in a little bit better." Whatever you do, don't swallow this pap. Obesity is among the biggest drivers of health-care costs, and soda -- however it's packaged -- is a major culprit. For a laugh, check out Coke's new "Live Positively" website, which is populated by skinny, smiling people cavorting in green fields devoid of discarded plastic. Don't miss the video of a Coke vice president insisting high-fructose corn syrup has "no health concerns."

Way too many choices: No pulp, some pulp, lots of pulp, clogged with pulp... What's happening in the orange juice aisle is representative of what's going on throughout the store. There are just too many choices for products that needn't be so complicated. I mean, you either like pulp or you don't. Support manufacturers who simplify life.

Cash register receipts the size of toilet-paper rolls: It now takes nearly as long for the cashier to print out my receipt as it does to ring up my entire order. Tacked on at the end are coupons, advertisements, contests, reward summaries, money-saved calculations, the FBI's most-wanted list... Enough already! If it absolutely has to be this long, then print it on two-ply so I can at least recycle it.

Humongous kid buggies: As if senior citizens on Jazzy Power Chairs with wraparound sunglasses weren't enough of a supermarket hazard, now we have giant buggies shaped like race cars or trucks. When I was little I used to love sitting up high in the traditional buggy seat, but I guess it's just too distracting for mom to have the kids that close anymore. And don't even get me started about the damage those things can do if they roll into your car in the parking lot. That's not a door ding; that's the sound of your deductible disappearing.

Got some supermarket piss-offs of your own? Post 'em below.