Apple Press Conference: What to Expect

By any measure, Apple's iPhone 4 launch was remarkably successful -- except for the damn "death grip" mess. And yes, it is a mess, even if many users have never even experienced the dreaded reception problem.

Steve Jobs writing, "Just avoid holding it in that way" didn't help. Neither did Consumer Reports' non-endorsement of the new iPhone. That's why Apple's holding a press conference tomorrow morning in Cupertino. Jobs and company needs to put this episode - I wouldn't quite call it a crisis - behind it and move on.

Speaking of which, here's what I think you can expect to see, and not to see, Friday morning at 10 am PST:

• No, there's not going to be an iPhone 4 recall as some have suggested. For a reception problem that can be remedied any number of ways, that's just ridiculous. It ain't gonna happen, folks. The last reason anyone buys an iPhone is to talk on it. That said, --
• Yes, Apple will throw in a "bumper" case, which Consumer Reports confirmed resolves the reception problem, at least for existing customers. And it will likely be part of the deal for future phone purchasers, as well. Nobody should have to go out and spend $29 to fix a problem with a device that costs $200. And it's a nit for Apple, since it probably costs just a few bucks to make.
• Steve Jobs will apologize for the problem and for not fessing up and resolving it sooner. But he won't diss his flagship product. No way. On the contrary, expect him to reiterate what's great about it in his usual charismatic style. In any case, a little humility would go a long way; the company is obviously becoming dangerously arrogant lately.
• Apple will likely accept returns for some time period past the standard warranty date and wave any additional fees associated with said returns. It should, in any case.
• They'll talk about what's in the firmware update and, somewhere in there, will mention what folks should and shouldn't expect from the new formula for calculating the reception bars. But they won't overemphasize it, lest people get the wrong idea that this has anything to do with the "death grip" problem, which it apparently doesn't.
• I don't expect them to get into the gory details of what really caused the problem, since customers don't really care. The media does, but so what, right? But I won't rule out a one-liner on the subject. In any case, I don't think it's all that relevant.
• Jobs may "change the subject" (a PR strategy term for getting people's minds off the crisis and onto something else) by providing a little glimpse into a product or update coming soon to an Apple store near you. In any case, that's what I would do. A new, improved, and actually viable Apple TV, perhaps?