"Sugarbabe" Author Holly Hill Talks Negotiated Infidelity: Relationship Advice from a Mistress?

Sugarbabe author Holly Hill. (Skyhorse Publishing)

(CBS) For many women, Holly Hill might be the last woman on Earth they would take relationship advice from.

The beautiful 40-something Australian with a psychology degree spent a full year of her life as a well paid  mistress, seeking out married men eager for sex and romance they weren't getting at home.

Now she has penned a book, "Sugarbabe" to offer insights she learned.

And the biggest one might shock: let your partner cheat, she says, as long as you negotiate the rules.

"One of the main things that I have learned is that a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he's late from the office Christmas party," she recently told CNN.

Hill believes that men - and some women - are designed to cheat.

"We just have to be honest about the way nature created us, and we have to work with nature instead of working against her. This isn't rocket science. This is what every man already knows and I think what every woman deep down already knows," she told the network.

The trick of the game, she says, is laying down the rules and following them; and keeping honesty front and center.

In her own relationship - she is no longer a mistress - she allows her boyfriend of two years to bed whomever he wants as long as he doesn't sleep over, take romantic weekends or spoon his partner.

He "can have sex with the Australian women's basketball team for all I care, but he can't spoon any of them," Hill told CNN. "For me, spooning is cheating." 

How did Hill come to this?

The author says several years ago she was at a crossroads; her wealthy but married boyfriend had convinced her to quit her job and live off of his largess. Then he dumped her.

A friend urged her to be "open-minded" about her next career move. So she penned this classified ad and put it online.

"Attractive, professional, well-spoken, well-dressed 35-year-old woman seeks sugar daddy. I live in Darlinghurst on a 17th floor unit with fantastic skyline views to the harbor. The unit also features very discreet and secure undercover guest parking. I am looking for exclusivity so will (theoretically) be available to you 24 x 7. I am single and don't have any children. I am also a fabulous cook and can provide gourmet meals should you require them. I am a qualified psychologist so I make an excellent listener, and I have a great love of conversation. I have also worked for many years in public relations so am a clever, charming companion in just about any situation. I love sex. I will require a generous weekly allowance in return for all of the above."

She got 11,000 responses, according to CNN. And charged her clients $1,000 a week for her company. She says she didn't consider herself a prostitute and, in the end, only took five customers. Apparently, just enough, to write a self-help book.

More at CNN.

[laeiryn]

Open relationships aren't exactly a new thing. Humans are only socially monogamous. And most women will tell you that it's harder to forgive a man cheating on them with a one night stand, than to forgive him falling in love with someone else. I mean, both suck as a betrayal, but one's a much different kind of betrayal. And that's why cheating is cheating - because it IS a betrayal. When you've agreed beforehand on a set of rules, then it's not cheating. For the people who are still upset about the idea, it's not cheating they're upset by, it's sharing. And for those who don't want to have to share a partner, well, good luck. But if you can't talk to the person you supposedly love enough to work out what genuinely makes you happy... cheating, in essence, is a lack of communication. Very rarely does a man, or a woman, set out to intentionally go have sex with someone else to hurt their lover. Most of the time they're just unhappy and unsatisfied themselves. We're socially brainwashed to believe that we SHOULD be happy, and satisfied, with only one sexual, or even romantic, partner, but we're not actually built that way. Love shared is love multiplied. Maybe it's because I'm a polyamorist with both a husband and a wife; maybe it's because I, too, am a psychologist with that basic understanding of how people work on an instinctual level, below their cultural programming of how relationships should work.

In the end, do whatever (and whoever) makes you happy.

[hawkeyenurse]

She can say whatever she wants, but she is, in fact, by definition, a prostitute. Gross.

[mcw011]

The entire point of a marriage is a life-long monogamous relationship. At the end of the day, that is the ONLY thing that separates a marriage from any other committed relationship--lifelong monogamy. If a couple recognizes that one or both are incapable of this lifelong commitment then they SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED because that's what marriage is. Allowing your husband to cheat is NOT how to save your marriage, it negates the very commitment that is marriage. The idea baffles me.

[m00nsh1ner]

I saw her on the Dr Phil show not too long ago. She is not what I would consider "beautiful" by today's standards, seems very insecure but yet conceited at the same time. I would never buy her book. Like we need a guidebook on how to be immoral. Good grief. Don't get married or have a serious relationship if you need to look elsewhere to satisfy your needs!

[FindNewPassion]

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[toripaige]

haha this is brilliant if I was a gourmet cook, or you know didn't have a kid, I would totally be writing my own personals ad. Absolutely believe men are designed to cheat and so are SOME woman, sex addiction is a made up excuse some guy came up with when he got caught and some selfconcious dingbat fell for it, Tiger woods, Jesse James etc all just lying cheating scum !

[m1ndgam3s]

This creates a problem for some people that does not exist. You tell people that some people are wired to cheat and the weak will believe they are wired to cheat. They are the same guys that get erectile dysfunction just because the TV told them they would and spend loads of money to get it up when it is all in their head. Cheating is in your head not your genes. It is a choice. This woman is trying to justify what she did by giving others permission. Some people have real problems, and treatment is available for real problems.

[m00nsh1ner]

Exactly.

[Void-Master]

Once you realize that you're not necessarily being replaced and get past your insecurities about that, you really have no reason to be jealous. Plus, watching can be fun. Also, it *is* a two way street.

[voidslave]

OH: "Once you realize that you're not necessarily being replaced and get past your insecurities about that, you really have no reason to be jealous. Plus, watching can be fun. Also, it *is* a two way street." (comment by via @voidmaster) <<--language sounds remarkably familiar: and that is why "he" now wishes he would've known what he knows now, but apparently his knowing is now far too late for any hope of reconciliation. *And trust me, I am beyond pleasurable, and very open-minded, however, he just couldn't contain himself...He'll think of me forever... ;) ~me