Stage Mommy Madness

By: Mo Rocca
Topics: Mo Moments, Mo Problems

(CBS/iStockphoto)

The other day I auditioned for a supporting role in a major motion picture. I won't name the movie or anyone involved because I really want the part. (I'll only say that the script is hilarious and the director is brilliant!)

Anyway the cast includes a 2-year-old girl. While I was waiting to read for the director, three sets of blonde identical twin girls, all of them adorable, showed up. (The auditions were taking place behind a closed door just off the waiting area.) Each pair of toddlers was accompanied by her mother and at least one other person.

The first pair's entourage included the mother (we'll call her Mommy) and grandmother (we'll call her Grandma). The auditions were running behind but Mommy wasn't about to complain. Each time the casting director apologized for the delay, Mommy smiled tightly, as if to say "No problem! The girls love waiting. We only wish we'd been stuck overnight on that Continental jet on the tarmac in Minnesota. Hey, the family that waits together celebrates together!"

To be clear: I am not casting judgment on parents who bring their toddlers to auditions. Some kids undoubtedly have fun performing. And times are tough. As for Mommy's solicitousness, well auditions bring out the neediness in everyone. (Did I tell you how funny I think the script is?!)

But then something happened that seemed kind of perverse.

The casting director called Mommy and the two toddlers into the audition room. The girls skipped in, the door closed behind them and Mommy. Grandma stayed with the rest of us in the waiting area. About two minutes later Mommy marched out of the audition, all business, and straight toward Grandma. With more than a little bit of urgency she issued orders:

"They need to see the girls cry. Walk into the room, then walk right out."

Grandma hesitated. She might have been slightly embarrassed because everyone else in the room, most of us slack-jawed, turned to her. But Mommy was having none of it: The girls needed to cry, and it was Grandma's job to pry open the spigots.

Grandma, her head bowed, followed Mommy into the room. As the door closed, I could hear something sweet from Grandma. ("Hi, girls"? "My darlings"?) Then a minute later, the door abruptly opened and Grandma came back out shutting the door behind her.

It worked: through the closed door, you could hear the wailing of girls terrified that Grandma was going away forever. The wailing that will haunt them as young women with serious trust issues. The wailing that they'll describe four days a week for six years, if they opt for classic psychoanalysis (which they should probably start saving for now, since no health care plan is going to cover what they need).

Was this their baptismal abandonment? Or had this played out at other auditions? And what had Grandma told them? "My darlings … you'll never see Grandma again"? "Sweeties … if only you were nicer, Grandma wouldn't be dying …"?

All this for a Rom Com! (Did I tell you it's a really good script?)

When Grandma sat back down in the waiting area, she herself burst into tears. It was a dirty job she'd been forced to do and she knew it. (I had to wonder if Mommy was exacting some revenge on Grandma by making her play bad cop.)

When the girls came out with Mommy, they were still sobbing. Grandma rushed to scoop up the twins and smother them with affection. But the girls seemed inconsolable.

What do you think? Was this all kind of sick? Or am I reading too much into it? And do you think I'll get the part?

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by cidaia October 20, 2009 3:23 AM EDT: The problem IMO is that our entire culture has a very toxic view of childhood. We no longer view ourselves as here to take care of kids, let alone to build a better world for kids. Instead, we see kids as something that we "have", to use or to enjoy as we see fit. It's not just stage moms or Little League dads. It's our whole culture...we do not care about future generations. We are focused only on ourselves, and only on this moment.; Reply to this comment


by Larry-D-Lobster September 29, 2009 5:18 PM EDT: Wow!
Having a stage must have hurt; escpecially if it were a thrust--p.s. didn't the Puritans make apses of themselves?

How do we know Grandma wasn't Sycorax, who pinched the little darling before her departure?

I say: "Let there be more McCaulay Caulkins of this world!"

At the end of the day, we all end up in the orchestra pit anyway. Anyone know any Dr. Hook songs?; Reply to this comment


by Booka62 September 16, 2009 12:59 AM EDT: Wow, Mo.

The political discussion last year was so much more civil than this!

I wonder if it counts that the hair on my fat a$$ is long or is it only relevant when it's the hair on my head? And since I have no children, do you think I get special dispensation to text and talk on my phone all I want?; Reply to this comment


by realspace August 15, 2009 12:14 AM EDT: I'm sure the same tactic has been used by adult actors by having their agent or dealer come in the audition and then abruptly leave.
Of course you touched on the bigger question of bringing your child to an audition in the first place. That's the sort of thing that makes me want to cry.; Reply to this comment


by Spithapns August 14, 2009 4:50 PM EDT: I am a Stage Mom and was laughing so hard while reading this that I realized I have the exact same laugh as the son I ***** out.

Even funnier is how the story elicited so many fat-woman jokes. What the hell does being a Stage Mom have to do with being fat? Look at Dina Lohan, she hasn't eaten in years.

Still laughing (while forwarding to everyone I know).; Reply to this comment


by 2catnight August 14, 2009 8:12 AM EDT: This entire story is a bunch of BS!!; Reply to this comment


by guest173 August 14, 2009 3:31 AM EDT: selling their souls for the love of money and losing their children's respect; Reply to this comment

by proudmilvet August 13, 2009 10:22 PM EDT

Fat Women should be outlawed! OOPS! Their goes the whole South!!

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by qwerty6209 August 14, 2009 5:25 PM EDT: God, it must be exhausting to be so clever.


by micheleisfree August 13, 2009 5:07 PM EDT: Wow. I wish you misogynists good therapists.
Say hi to YOUR imcompetent, abusive mothers for me.; Reply to this comment

by -SGS August 13, 2009 2:41 PM EDT

Why do I get the feeling that, years from now, when posed with the question "Grandmothers or Grandfathers" by a bespectacled stranger on the street, these girls will answer "Grandfathers"?

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