Tony Snow's New Toys

By: Matthew Felling
Topics: Funnies

(CBS)

Bells! Whistles! Doohickeys! The refurbished White House press briefing room got a lot of attention at its reopening a few weeks ago. CBS White House correspondent Mark Knoller muses that the two newly-installed video monitors could be used in an additional way that Tony Snow hasn't thought of yet.

The new and improved White House press briefing room gives spokesman Tony Snow some brand new audio-visual capabilities.

He is flanked on the podium by two 45-inch high-definition video monitors – on which he can project slides, graphs, quotes or pretty much whatever he wants.

Last Friday, he used the screens to illustrate his assertion that progress was being made in Iraq as a result of the surge in U.S. troops ordered by Pres. Bush.

And today, he was able to push a botton on his lectern and project a couple of old quotes from the current chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT., to defend the White House claim of Executive Privilege in the congressional probe of the firings of those U.S. Attorneys.

It got me thinking that Snow could use the screens to respond to many of the questions he gets on a daily basis from reporters.

So with apologies to David Letterman, here is my list of the top ten video screen messages Tony Snow might choose to display at the push of a button in response to reporters:

10. I reject the premise of your question.

9. You should check with DOD (the Department of Defense).

8. When we're ready to announce something – we will.

7. That IS my answer.

6. The President has full confidence in the Attorney General.

5. It's a crime to lie to Congress whether you're under oath or not.

4. Lester, I won't dignify that with an answer.

3. Sorry – this is not Happy Kumbaya Day.

2. I'll have to get back to you on that.

1. Bite me!

With one exception, Tony Snow and his deputies have frequently spoken each of my top ten responses from the lectern while briefing reporters.

(In fairness, I've never heard any of them use the response I put in the #1 position. But I'll bet the mortgage they've wanted to say it, but held their tongues.)

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by CBSTV July 25, 2007 8:25 AM EDT: Don't be surprised when these screens display the "Big Brother" figure that was shown in the 1984 Macintosh ad.

"Today, we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directives. We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom, secure from the pests purveying contradictory thoughts. Our Unification of Thought is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people, with one will, one resolve, one cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death and we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!"; Reply to this comment


by mattcat25 July 24, 2007 12:31 PM EDT: It would be a lot easier on all of us if George Bush was the North American Dictator serving the interests of the elite ruling class. Their shouldn%u2019t be any voice of dissent from the proletariat, all the %u201Cmoonbats%u201D should just accept that they have job, or the prospect of a job, and they should not make waves or demands on the Administration. People don%u2019t understand what it takes to make a successful country and answering ridiculous questions from the media is a tremendous waste of time and energy.; Reply to this comment


by memekiller July 24, 2007 1:52 AM EDT: [Latest tragedy in Iraq] sign of progress/desperation of enemy.

I have full confidence in [Latest member of administration in legal trouble]

If you don't see how great things are, you're liberal/unpatriotic.

If you point out how bad things are, you're liberal/unpatriotic/aiding terrorists.

If you think there is a limitation on what we can do, you don't want to win the war on terror.

9/11. September 11. Al Qaeda. (Saddam). Al Qaeda. (Saddam). 9/11!

I never said that.

I'll take the next question from One_American there in the back...; Reply to this comment


by one_american July 23, 2007 8:59 PM EDT: Even WITH multi-media help from the White House, most of the liberal press corps still ask the same ignorant questions.

What I would like to see at the next Press Briefing is the theme music to "Twilight Zone" played in the background and a spinning spiral come up on the screens whenever Helen Thomas starts in with her moonbat liberal "questions".; Reply to this comment