Former NFL player Wade Davis: I went to strip club to hide being gay

Wade Davis

/ YouTube/SB Nation

(CBS News) During his first training camp with the Tennessee Titans in 2000, defensive back Wade Davis was just one of the guys. He went through locker room hazing rituals. He played cards with star Jevon Kearse. He was invited to fellow DB Samari Rolle's wedding.

But Davis kept a secret in the locker room that he has only recently revealed in public - that he is a gay man. In an interview with OutSports.com and a videotaped sit-down with Amy K. Nelson of SB Nation (see interview below), Davis talked about what it was like being gay in the NFL.

"You just want to be one of the guys, and you don't want to lose that sense of family," Davis told OutSports.com. "Your biggest fear is that you'll lose that camaraderie and family. I think about how close I was with Jevon and Samari. It's not like they'd like me less, it's that they have to protect their own brand."

Davis, who also played for the Redskins and Seahawks and had a stint in NFL Europe before injuries derailed his career, said he kept his secret to protect his job. He vividly recalled a time when a Titans teammate warned him not to associate with another player who was perceived as "different" because it could jeopardize his chances of making the team. Davis said the comment "was like a lightning bolt that shot through my entire body" and it prompted him to go to great lengths to project a macho image.

"I can remember going out that night, going to a strip club, spending probably $1,500 just to make sure ... if they even had a glimmer of thought that I was gay, that I wasn't," Davis said. "I was willing to make it rain just like the rest of them were."

Davis, who first revealed he was gay to a coworker after his playing days, said his decision to come out was both "liberating" and "awful."

"(It was like) taking a scab off my entire body as aggressively and physically as I can," he said.

He said he decided to come out publicly because "there's an opportunity here to effect change in the world."

Davis now works at his "dream job" for a New York organization that serves lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth and he also volunteers for President Obama as an advocate for the LGBT community.

No NFL player has ever come out during his career and only a handful have revealed they were gay after retiring from a sport where homosexuality is rarely discussed. However, several players - including Davis' former teammate Kearse - said they would have no problem with having a gay teammate.

"In the game of football, it's like a war out there," Kearse said last month. "Once you get out on the field, all that stuff is to the side. You're on my side. I played in the NFL for 11 years, I'm sure there were at least one or two guys along the line that were gay."

[rightofwrong]

Enough already.

[casegame]

I am probably the only one who thinks these people should not come out.

For starters, why is it so courageous to come out after your NFL career is over, in this particular case?

Furthermore, to me, the term gay and straight sounds more like one is better then the other, not a sexual preference.

Finally, from personal experience I can say not knowing is in the words of Paris Hilton, "That's hot."

[Miss_An_Thrope]

Why is it certain straight people somehow assume that gay people's sexuality is a "preference"?

[bodettes]

Why do gays more so than lesbians feel that they have to broadcast what their sexuality is? Are they looking for a mate? I find it a sign of weakness and I do not like someone better because they told me about their struggles in that field. Everyone with a few exceptions has had to struggle in life in some way, but we don't go announcing it to our friends and the world. Live you life well and go forth and do good. That's what we would like to hear about.

[ralphing]

I agree.

I can't see how it makes their lives better for telling the world their business. If you want to hide being gay, then do it. If you decide not to hide it anymore, then just go out and do whatever it is you want to do. There is absolutely no reason to broadcast it to everyone that you are now doing gay things. Or maybe the purpose is to let others know you are gay and looking for action? It's embarrassing to everyone else when you tell the world how you tricked all your friends with your big secret. It's no different then telling people you had cancer for years, then coming out saying you lied about it for the past 10 years.

I met up with several schoolmates from 30 years ago who I now see are gay. Some I suspected and others I had no clue about. I'd rather assume they decided to come out gay at some point in their lives. I wouldn't want to hear about how they fooled me way back then. What purpose would it serve? All it would do is tarnish the memories I had back then. It's not like I'm going to apologize from some remark I made back then. The past is the past and you can't change anything that has happened. I would be enraged and homicidal if some friend from the past told me they have been living on some private island for the past 30 years as a millionaire, all because they stole a winning sweepstake ticket from my mailbox worth $100M. In some cases confessing about the past can get you hurt or killed.

[sassifrassi]

I believe it is because heterosexuality is the assumed default in our society, especially in the NFL. So, people feel compelled to reveal their identities in order to increase awareness that they exist. A small minority of gays come out in such a public fashion - there are probably dozens of celebrity gays who quietly live their lives for every one who makes a statement to the media - however, it seems like we are "always" hearing about it because heterosexuals don't have to do the same thing. We just assume everyone is straight so they don't have to do anything. You mention lesbians as not being so vocal, and I think this is because relationships between women are more socially acceptable, so perhaps they are not as compelled to take a public stand for the purposes of awareness/activism.

You are right, the ideal would be that we just live our lives well and do good to others, and these distinctions and assumptions will all be behind us one day!

[nohater]

wonder just how many LGBT individuals there are in the USA. what percentage of the 300+ million population do they represent. it seems they are everywhere and in every walk of life.

[skithebumps]

The best estimates say that the figure is about 1.5% - not nearly as large as people once thought.

[DavidInMaine]

more like 10%

[tmittelstaed]

This is really dumb - in these sports everyone knows - it's an open secret. But you just don't talk about it publically and the gays don't talk about it publically because all of you are pulling multi-millions of dollars down as "image creators" and you have an acting job and role to play.

If I was taking a shower in a locker room and a girl walked in I wouldn't care in the least. I'm sure that she would look but be discreet about it. So why would I care if a gay guy also looked but was discreet about it. It's not like I would be interested in either of them. I don't know them.

[KnowerseekerReturns]

Go to a bar with him, get him drunk, and he might not be so discrete anymore. I've had gay men come onto me, a hetero, and it was shocking and frightening for me, personally.

[Transatlantique]

Sports and the military are magnets for sexually frustrated men in the closet who really want to get a room together. Maybe not all of them, but how do we know?

[krotec54]

When these frustrated men lose control, ask the wrong guy for a date then end up with two black eyes and a sexual assault charge are the ones consider closet cases.

[KnowerseekerReturns]

Hm... I don't know. There are gay bars for male homosexuals to hook up.

[WakeUpPeople001]

While "Rome" burns, Americans continue to focus only on where they stick their genitalia....

[vsmit]

Better stated, while "Rome" burns, Americans continue to focus only on where OTHERS stick their genetalia . . .

[KnowerseekerReturns]

Both the socially liberal agendas of the Democrats (like this) and the economically conservative agendas of the Republicans are what's burning "Rome". It's an assault on both gates at once, and you can't win at the election ballet.

[MrSpace]

Did Jerome Kerse say that its only lineman that could be gay when he said "I'm sure there were at least one or two guys along the line that were gay." -?? why would he single out the lineman....hmmm

[WakeUpPeople001]

If you were gay and spent your working hours staring at a row of well-rounded male butts, wouldn't you have flights of fancy, too?

[fantomas4]

He may have been a DB on the field, but in the sack he was a wide receiver.

[TJphoto]

It's not the fact that someone is gay, it's the fact that society is taught to be homophobic.

[KnowerseekerReturns]

Homosexuality is unnatural and an abomination.

[mysticpizza]

No Knower your an abomination and unnatural.