World Cup: U.S. Lets England Put Egg on Its Own Face

England Robert Green reacts after letting a goal during the World Cup group C soccer match between England and the United States.

/ Michael Sohn

England coach Fabio Capello was uncertain which goalkeeper to select before his team's opening match of the World Cup Finals against the US.

In the end, he went with Mr. Bean.

Although Benny Hill and Basil Fawlty pushed him all the way in training.

Somehow, physical comedy has always been an English strength.

However, that the U.S. managed to profit from it so heartily was more of a gift than a surprise.

The England soccer team has always enjoyed a special relationship between its face and a covering of yolk.

Many on the Western side of the Atlantic were too overawed by star names and Beckhamesque hype to believe that the U.S. could really give the English a burdensome game.

But the 1-1 draw between the two teams Saturday was highlighted by the expected American organization and English shorts being dropped in public.

When England goalkeeper Robert Green allowed a truly innocuous shot from Clint Dempsey to bounce off the heel of his hand and spin into the net, you, like U.S. keeper Tim Howard after the game, might have been tempted toward sympathy.

These things happen.

But these things happen all the time to England.

You might have thought this was the Red Sox' Bill Buckner, but England has had too many Bucknerish, lucknerish goalkeepers for it to be mere happenstance.

Perhaps you might have missed former England goalkeeper, Paul Robinson, who, a mere four years ago in qualification for the European Championships against Croatia, attempted to hoof a backpass upfield only to miss it entirely and let it roll into the net.

You must surely have somehow failed to notice when another England goalkeeper, Scott Carson, perform a magical feat of missing the softest of shots just a year later. That was against Croatia too.

Green offered after Saturday's game: "You've got to have a concrete head about these things." Unfortunately, the whole of England was rather more focused on his excessively solid hands.

Did the U.S. deserve to win? In some way, yes. Jozy Altidore had a fine chance near the end that was pushed onto a post, when it could have pushed America towards an easier qualification to the next round.

But the U.S. performance was one of fortitude rather than style.

Though Landon Donovan, Robbie Findlay and Dempsey ran so hard they would have made for fine Iditarod hounds, it was center-back Oguchi Onyewu who was often required to intercept before danger became pain.

Onyewu offered to play for his club, AC Milan, without pay for a year in return for its loyalty to him during injury. He might, by the time this World Cup is over, consider renegotiating his generosity.

The U.S. offered a considerable contrast to the English rear.

Tim Howard in the US goal, who, like Green, plays for a relatively nondescript English Premier League team in Everton, regularly placed his body and, most importantly, his hands, in front of every ball that was thrust his way.

It's remarkable how he managed to keep his composure after his defenders allowed England captain Steven Gerrard to saunter forward like a morning jogger in Central Park and slip the ball calmly to his left for an England lead.

Less than five minutes had transpired.

But Howard's face and words offered threats that may have included head-butting and spit-roasting and certainly did not exclude waterboarding.

In truth, both teams still have a very good chance of proceeding to the really difficult games. Those which you really cannot let slip through your fingers.

While the more blindly patriotic English newspapers offered such headlines as "Shock 'n' Draw," the fans are more used to what was really a shlocky draw.

United States' Landon Donovan, left, and England's Frank Lampard, right, compete for the ball during their World Cup match.

/ Bernat Armangue

The U.S., which placed itself behind several 8-balls in 2006 (allowing itself to be dismantled 3-0 by the Czech Republic in its first game of the Finals), must feel just slightly elated to have begun with a point against the group's supposedly toughest team.

Landon Donovan was, however, slightly more generous about the England team than he had been last year about how much fun it wasn't to play with England's David Beckham for the Los Angeles Galaxy.  

He offered: "Playing one of the best teams in the world, getting a point out of the first game is a big plus."

If England is one of the best teams in the world, then halibut and burdock ice cream is one of the world's best meals.

So many of the England players benefit from playing their club football alongside some of the great foreign stars. Which makes them look just slightly better than that they really are.

They work hard, but, left on their own, their Italian coach can rarely make them think and create, as the lonely figure of Wayne Rooney, bereft of support on Saturday, testified.

The U.S. now goes on to play Slovenia.

Perhaps the first thing you'll be wondering is whether the Slovenes have a fast-twitching goalkeeper.

Well, his name is Samir Handanovic and he plays for Udinese in Italy. His cousin is his backup.

But it's not a good idea to be overconfident, should you wish the Americans onward. Slovenia knocked out Russia to get to this stage.

And what if the Slovenian goalkeeper can catch?

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Chris Matyszczyk is an award-winning creative director who advises major corporations on content creation and marketing, and an avid sports fan. He is also the author of the popular CNET blog Technically Incorrect.

See also:

Pictures: Opening rounds of the World Cup

South Africa Shows the World How Soccer Is Celebrated

Guess Who Will Win the World Cup

[Simifanene]

England is a great team, America got lucky, from the second half on the yanks we're ready to pass out. Their mouths we're open like a hippo's sucking air, and their toungs we're touching their shoes. England's players we're in top shape, pushing the yanks around in the second half. If the England players beleive in themselves and play every like the way they played in the second half, they'll be very hard to beat. They might even end up as the world champs.

[Harden_Tar]

"Everything that happens during those 90 minutes is important."!?

Like what? Do they give style points? Or lying on the ground points? Or whining to the official points? Even in soccer, the object is to score goals. How you do it is irrelavant.

The only good thing about soccer that that all the highlights can be shown in about 8 seconds. And that is if it is a high scoring affair.

[walkwwildwolf]

Dempsey earned that goal. Was anybody watching when he put a three spin turn move on that defender. Did anyone consider that the defender was blocking the vision of the keeper? Did anyone notice that the quick release of the shot gave zero reaction time to the keeper. Did anyone notice that the keeper's reflex was technically correct but the shot was just a little to wide of his blocking triangle? How could you miss the fact that the ball was struck with such force that it skipped twice before hitting the keeper with no sign of starting to slow and roll? If you have any experience catching inflated balls this means that the ball is still unfolding and cannot roll predictably yet. Unfolding balls are extremely hard to hold, that's why they have to be smothered with the body and this takes more time or blocked (dangerous rebounds). Why did Green not point this out himself? Because he is a pro. No one else commenting about this goal seems to have the same credentials as Green. Why did Dempsey not defend his one v one moves or his shot, because he is a pro, no one else commenting in the news seems to have the same credentials. Jeff Wolfe, former USA midwest olympic development coach, former NCAA division one coach, coach of four Missouri all-state goal-keepers

[stuwerb]

Pity poor Robert Green. He's about to become the Bill Buckner of the soccer world.

[USSAmerikan]

Decent match, horrible reporting. How about instead giving of a feeble attempt at comedy, giving some credit to the powerful strike, which, combined with the new, smoother ball, made for a difficult-to-defend goal? Of course, that would require that the person allowed to write knows the subject matter a little better. God bless America and God save the Queen!

[KingGeorge3]

You know most of us England fans have long seen past the media hype same as we didn't really give a flying dicky-bird when Michelle Obama gave the queen a hug. Yet it was totally played up by the American media and even got idiots on u-tube talking about how worked up the Brits were. Give us a break !. We're bleeding and dying with you guys in Iraq and Afghan for God's sake.

[proudmilvet]

KingGeorge3: You are absolutely correct! It's all Stupid media hype! England has always had Superb Football teams! God Bless both the British & American Troops!

[doodvader]

this guy is an idiot other than the pathetic attempts that any team get in any game.this guy would have his nation believe they were even in the game,yes we put egg on our own faces but lets be real firstly we all new the keeper situation and always new we could suffer becouse of it hense so much reliability in ferdinand and terry whom incedentally were missing ferdinand.this is what we feared however i saw nothing from the usa to sudjest they can do anything lets look at it the only player they really can boast about is howard,this man would have you believe hes just mediocre as he plays for everton lol m8 everton would batter your national side remember we had a shock moment thats the only reason your still in with a shout you can talk about goalkeeper howlers being english then i have to ask WHY DID ALEX LET HIM GO IF HE WAS SO SOLID and why did he buy him if he was mediocre come on you septic tanks get it right you gotta break from god see it as it is we gave our colonial cousins a chance to progress one which you would never of had had it not been for god.your team helped create a boring game you were rubbish and so were we thank god you had that luck m8,look at how it could and should have been the whole world expected it and it wasnt your team that did anything to talk about.all the hype will be ours as it always is we expect victory you dream of it thats just the way it is,your nation could fit ours a thousand times but in soccer we are so much better sorry we cant help it but to come on here and read aload of uneducated **** about a sport you as a person so clearly know nothing about bye the way what the hell do some of those silly names have to do with soccer fool how did you get your job.having a contraversial opinion is one thing makeing noise without an educated background very american and also is why the world hates you as a nation your pig headedness will be your downfall when you get beat by algeria and slavakia remember this message it wont shock anyone if we do its a disaster how did you compete on the day you didnt we put egg on our face you couldnt possibly do it also youll go far with just a mediocre keeper eh lol tims good but not that good.

[limaurs]

Awful game , probably the worst world cup game ever. Either team would have been beaten handily by any third division english team. This certainly was not world class soccer.

[limaurs]

Awful game , probably the worst world cup game ever. Either team would have been beaten handily by any third division english team. This certainly was not world class soccer.

[hfxpcm]

This is an incredibly stupid, disrespectful article that says much more about the writer than it does either England or the US team. One guarantee is that this writer has never played soccer competitively. If he had, he certainly have a different take on what he witnessed yesterday. England and the US both have very respectful teams - as evident by their FIFA rankings. Time will tell if they're style will evolve to string together the kinds of passing game we see from Spain, Argentina, or Brazil. Regardless I don't feel the need - as the writer does - to demean the level of play. I'll shy away from this gent's articles in the future. He ought to stick to writing about Paris Hilton or those geek subjects he apparently knows a fair bit about.