Sibling fights may lead to depression, self-esteem issues
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Sibling rivalry may not be as harmless as we once thought.
Researchers from the University of Missouri discovered that teens that fought with their brothers and sisters showed more anxiety, depression and/or self-esteem issues a year later.
"Our findings may help parents, psychologists, and others who work with and support teens to understand that all sibling conflicts are not created equally," author Nicole Campione-Barr, assistant professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri, said in a press release.
Researchers studied 145 pairs of siblings on average between 12 and 15 over the course of one year.
They discovered that most teen sibling fights were about why things aren't fair/how they aren't being treated the same or the need for personal space.
Teens who had more fights over equality and fairness had more depressive symptoms a year later. Campione-Barr said to USA Today that teens normally believed that fairness issues revolved around "shared resources and responsibilities within the family," meaning they felt that they were not getting enough attention from their families and felt less important.
"This is why we think it's particularly problematic for depressive symptoms," she added to USA Today.
When it came to arguments about personal space, teens were more likely to have self-esteem issues.
Teens with more depression and anxiety were also more likely to have more fights a year later. Those with higher self-esteem had less fights.
Boys with older brothers and girls with brothers, regardless of order, were more likely to have anxiety. Teens whose sibling was a different gender were also more likely to have lower self-esteem.
Susan McHale, director of the Social Science Research Institute at Penn State University, told USA Today that this study showed how parent's differential treatment of siblings could affect sibling relationships and lead to youth depression. But, parents shouldn't necessarily step in and stop fights. Instead they should help set up rules and be fair when it comes to enforcing chores and time limits.
The study was published on Dec. 20 in Child Development.
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Though I have hundreds of friends, I still consider the possibility that my personal sample is small. But, to me, the results are convincing. And they agree with this article. Beneath the surface, a huge majority of the multi-sib families has internal rivalries and personal dissimilarities/needs that end up pitting sibs against sibs, parents against sibs, and parents against parents on a long-term basis. The problem kid who consumed resources that would have been better spent on his/her brothers and sisters is too often there. Fights, estrangements, jealousies, and bitterness are the rule, not the exception.
One big problem I see is that individuals who have nothing more in common than genes are continually forced to either "get along" or explain why they don't. In my experience of listening to friends tell their stories, more strife than joy comes from family relationships. Those who have enjoyed a different experience openly consider themselves very fortunate.
A second large problem in multi-sib families is that individual children are under-resourced at crucial periods in their life, usually in a way that leaves them less prepared for and ultimately less successful in life than they might have been. In these challenging days, that is not a good thing.
Most "onlies" I have met are unselfish people who do not wish for sibs. Perhaps their experience is similar to mine. They celebrate the fact that they have been able to move through life choosing their associates with freedom, and able to listen to and comfort their friends.
He's much much better now as an adult, but one of his problems seems to be based on an inabillity to control things around him. Maybe just the expression of his original problem. Maybe this will help someone.
BTW as far as the 3 kids ,now all middle aged adults, they all get along fine