Time magazine cover of breastfeeding mom sparks intense debate on "attachment parenting"

Time magazine cover story on "attachment parenting," May 2012. / TIME/CBS

(AP) NEW YORK - Shocking or no big deal? A woman breastfeeding her 3-year-old son is the cover photo of this week's Time magazine for a story on "attachment parenting," and reactions ranged from applause to cringing to shrugs.

The photo showed Jamie Lynne Grumet, 26, a stay-at-home mom in Los Angeles who says her mother breastfed her until she was 6 years old. She told the magazine in an interview that she's given up reasoning with strangers who see her son nursing and threaten "to call social services on me or that it's child molestation."

"People have to realize this is biologically normal," she said, adding, "The more people see it, the more it'll become normal in our culture. That's what I'm hoping. I want people to see it."

Some questioned why the magazine used the photo of Grumet, a slim blonde pretty enough to be a model, to illustrate a story about a style of childrearing that's been around for a generation. The issue includes a profile of the attachment parenting guru, Dr. Bill Sears, who wrote one of the movement's bibles, "The Baby Book," 20 years ago.

Mika Brzezisnki, co-host of MSNBC's weekday morning program "Morning Joe," suggested on the air that the cover was needlessly sensational: "I'll tell you why it bothers me — because it's a profile of Bill Sears!"

On Twitter, the cover inspired X-rated jokes along with concerns that the child might be teased when he's older. But on many message boards, there was debate about whether it's OK to breastfeed beyond babyhood.

Bobbi Miller, a mother of six who lives in Arkansas, expressed disapproval in a tweet and said in a phone interview, "Even a cow knows when to wean their child." Of the cover, she said: "Why would this even be out there? It's ludicrous. It's almost on the verge of voyeurism."

But Bettina Forbes, co-founder of an organization called Best for Babes that promotes breastfeeding and supports women who want to nurse their children beyond babyhood, said she hopes the cover "will make mainstream America less squeamish" about women breastfeeding children of any age. "It's high time we talk about these things," she said.

Reaction to the cover underscored a cultural rift between traditional childrearing and what some have deemed "extreme parenting." The attachment philosophy encourages mothers to respond to their babies' every cry and form close bonds with near-constant physical contact through "co-sleeping" (letting them sleep in the bed with parents rather than in cribs) and "baby-wearing" (carrying them on slings instead of pushing them in strollers).

Retail chains including Target, Wal-Mart and Safeway did not immediately respond to requests for comment on whether the magazine, which goes on sale Friday, would be displayed in stores.

Time Managing Editor Rick Stengel said he had not heard of any retailers concerned about displaying the cover. But he acknowledged that the image is "provocative. We're posing an interesting question about a subject that couldn't be more important — how we raise our children. People have all kinds of mixed feelings about that."

[Moogydo]

A year max! unless medically needed! by a year a child can eat and digest just about anything.. veggies, fruits, proteins... just be smart and choose diet wisely.. this is just for her 15 min of fame and and for him a lifetime of ridicule! poor kid!

[Eliza011]

I breastfed both of my kids. My son nursed until 6 months, my daughter to 16 months. I have to say that it really pisses me off when you see those women sitting somewhere public, boobs out and a challenging look in their eye. It is like they are daring someone to say something.There are ways for you and your child to enjoy this experience privately. The fact is a breast is more than just a supply of food. I have a beautiful figure that I in its my husband to look at not your husband....or that cab driver or that group of lawyers going for lunch. It is an attention grab and nothing more. Honestly enough men stare at my breasts when they are IN clothes! Time magazine woman needs to seek a mental health professional. She has made this into a huge joke. I feel really sorry for her kids - they will grow up one day and this will be their badge of honor? It is disturbing. If this was a country or time in history without available nutrients I might be able to understand but that is not the case. Get help.

[ProudBreastFeedingMum]

OMG listen to yourselves, on both sides of the argument...it seems that most are looking at this in the extreme, either way. I am a proud Mum of 3 daughters & I breast fed my 1st daughter for 1wk & from there fed her breast milk from a bottle for a further 5wks until my milk was to weak & the supply to little, at 4mths we introduced sml amts of farax...My husband & I made the decision to try & breast feed our 2nd daughter until she was 12mths of age if possible, after my 2nd daughter's birth, My husband & I decided to try & breast feed our daughter up to the age of 18mths if possible...to give her the best chance / start we possibly could in life, due to her being unexpectedly born with Down Syndrome. I successfully breast fed my 2nd daughter up to the age of 17mths from both the breast & breast milk from a bottle, when she weaned herself off, for 12mths breast milk was her only source of food. And I breast fed my 3rd daughter up to the age of 12mths from the breast only no other source of food. TODAY my husband & I have 3 beautifully adjusted, smart children ALTHOUGH our 1st daughter Smart, well adjusted, no allergies...Our 2nd daughter Smart (in her own right) she has many allergies including a very high range gluten intolerance, Our 3rd daughter also very Smart although has many allergies & also appears to have a gluten intolerance...SO GO FIGURE. BUT breast feeding your children until they are 3, 4, 5yrs of age & beyond THAT IS RIDICULOUS & really surely you women realise it not only looks weird/sick even to the PROUD BREAST FEEDING MUMS...YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE & WHERE ARE THE DAD'S...WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT STEPPING IN & SAYING ENOUGH IS ENOUGH let it go ???

[Chaos_Residue]

To Thopp82: "...please you some sort of grammar or spell check." I don't like hypocrisy. Don't flame on something that you're messing up yourself. This isn't a jab at you, I just don't know why you'd say that without re-reading your comments and checking for the same errors.

Moving on from that, my issue with public breastfeeding is that it's supposed to be a private matter. Your argument that females should be able to have their breasts out in public because breasts are for more than just sexual activities doesn't fly with me. Should men be able to walk around with their *****' hanging out because they're also used to urinate? No. We have public decency laws for a reason. Any activity that involves intimate physical contact should not be done in public. Sexual activities and breastfeeding are the two things that come to mind. I don't think breastfeeding is bad (just the opposite in fact), but it's not something you need to show the world. Sex isn't bad, but that's not something I want to see in the mall. To display this in such a way on TIME is revolting to me, not just because this should be a private event, but also because the picture doesn't portray true breastfeeding. If you're going to disturb my bubble at least do it with the real deal and not a mockup.

My other issue here is that there is an appropriate time to wean. All animals that breastfeed wean their young. You don't see the young breastfeeding for this length of time by any other animal species (except for possibly orangutans, and who wants to be like an orangutan, haha). A child isn't just going to stop what it knows (e.g. breastfeeding). It's going to continue to do what it's always done until taught otherwise.

Lastly, too many people disregard males' comments on breastfeeding because they think males have no right to form an opinion on something they don't do. To clarify, I am a male, I do believe breastfeeding is good, I believe that even in looking at every other species with breastfeeding we should know that there is an appropriate time to wean our young, and I believe that breastfeeding should be a private matter, not just for the sake of the individual breastfeeding, but for the sake the audience that doesn't wish to witness that intimate moment.

[RHanneman89]

Thank you for sharing! I have to agree with you completely. I am a nurse and I believe there IS a time to wean, as evidence by other species, and there is NO excuse for parents who don't intervene on a 2 year old's impulsive behaviors. You're exactly right about the child not knowing when he/she should wean. If I put a gallon of ice cream in front of a child and said they could decide when to stop eating, because ice cream is comforting, they would eat until they were sick. Children need their parents to guide them while they are this young. They can't decide what is in their best interest. They're children. If they could do that, they would not need us.

I think people turning to attachment parenting are just copping out; this is their way of trying to establish a bond- and they are right to do so, every child needs to feel loved by their caregiver- as a way of hoping that this is all the parenting they will ever have to do. They hope that their children will be so attached to them that this is all they will need. It's not. Your children need discipline. They need boundaries. They need to see a family where the life revolves around healthy family roles, and not around them. Life will not stop to meet their needs as adults. They need to learn to be self reliant and they need to learn how to cope. Attachment Parenting does the coping for them. The child does not learn to control his/her emotions and will never develop self control if this stupid fad progresses.

Parents, I urge you to use some common sense. If your 5 year old still wanted to sleep in a crib, wear diapers and use his pacifier still, would you let him or would you expect higher development? The same goes here. Use your head.

More importantly, would you want memories of YOU sucking on your mom's chest? Or would that scar you? I am personally thrilled that I don't have any recollection of that. Imagine the damage you are inflicting on your child before you jump on this ridiculous band wagon. Do you want your children constantly having relationship issues all throughout life because any romance they get involved in doesn't have the same "meet my needs now" bond that they learned from you? This is what will happen if you don't come to your senses!

[gbank10245]

Breast feeding is a choice and so is the amount of time, not many people will dispute that. My question is: What was this mother thinking? Besides of herself and her fifteen minutes of fame. Did she not think of her son who will be made fun of from his peers in school? We all know children can be cruel! What do you think his reaction will be on his graduation day or wedding day when pictures of his past will be displayed, not perhaps by his family but by someone who will think the Time magazine cover is funny. Mom you idiot, the interent is forever!!!!!!

Continue reading at NowPublic.com: Time Magazine Cover Photo May 2012: Mom Breastfeeding 3-Year-Old | NowPublic News Coverage http://my.nowpublic.com/health/time-magazine-cover-photo-may-2012-mom-breastfeeding-3-year-old-2927453.html#ixzz1vBDxzRWL

[Laura_MacCleery]

I just posted a longish response on my blog (www.laurasrules.org) -- basically, IMHO, the debates over attachment parenting are a poor substitute for the fight we should really be having over the lack of structural and economic supports for mothers and families. And the Time Mag approach of snide questions and an explosive, unrepresentative photo did little to illuminate these issues that interfere with familial bonding, or to explore what's backed up by research in the attachment parenting approach. Overall, a fail for families and an attempt at stirring up another pointless skirmish in the utterly made up Mommy Wars.

[DrAnnCorwin]

After 35 years of working with children and families, I just cannot resist throwing my two cents into this debate about "attachment parenting." I want to clarify: "attachment" happens with lots of touching, talking and eye contact. Every newborn automatically looks for their parents' face, has the drive to be touched and turns to the sound of their parents' voice. Nobody teaches a child to do this - it is a natural drive (and there has been much well-documented research about this). The Time mom is not looking at, talking to or touching her child! This photo has nothing to do with "attachment parenting." Dr. Ann Corwin http://www.theparentingdoctor.com

[russbowers]

This is nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt for the magazine, a modelling gig for the mother and a traumatic event for the kid that will haunt him his entire life. It's all about the money. Too bad! It was an important topic that could have been handled much more tastefully by a classier magazine. Time has stooped to the level of tabloid journalism with this cover.

[charly1711]

First of all, who is anyone to judge? If the child is healthy and well-adjusted then it is no one else's business. Secondly, I'd bet a lot that the parents that are so against breast feeding past a certain age, are also giving their children processed foods. We all know there is an obesity epidemic in America...eating McDonald's on a weekly, or more basis is what these naysayers should be worrying about. The bond that is created through nursing creates a child who feels secure and loved. Working in public schools I see a phenomenal amount of children who never received any of that bonding. If nursing was seen as the thing to do, we would not only have healthier children physically, but also emotionally. And we all know there are many, many children who are neither in this country.

[hazeelove]

I realize I am coming late to this little debate here but since I'm expecting & reading up on pregnancy & breastfeeding I thought I would weigh in. First, Charly I would like to say that I agree with you 100% about the health benefits of breastfeeding rather than formula milk & serving your kid processed foods when they get of age. The real problem here is that a lot of people see a mother breastfeeding in public or a child they deem should be "weaned" off & automatically think it's sexual rather than nurture. This is just the society we live in nowadays. They perceive everything sexual when it comes to the body & chooses to judge & demonize it if it doesn't fit in the realm of their moral compass. Secondly, I find it HILARIOUS that some of you are comparing other animals to us when it comes to when to know to wean your own child. This is a personal decision & there is no wrong answer. Do you realize that the same animals that may wean their young off early are the same that will eat their young or abandon them if their not strong enough to survive? Should we also take a leaf out of their book then? I think not. We're evolved for a reason.. we should not compare ourselves to other animals. For the man who compared breastfeeding equal to a man relieving himself in public.. well, you can now understand why most woman don't want to hear what a man has to say about the subject because that is the stupidest comparison I've read so far. What is the difference between a woman who is walking down the street with her boobs out in a push up bra versus a mother sitting on a bench breastfeeding her child? Most of the time I've seen these mother's cover themselves up very well. It's perfectly natural. Taking your wang out in public & urinating on a sidewalk or building is gross & leave it to a man to make such an insensitive & offhand remark. I think the key here is to remember that you must do for your child what you think is best for their health & your own comfort & not judge other parents for the choices they decide to make. Breastfeeding children in public or til the age of 4 is the least of my worries considering all the children who don't have homes & are in a poor foster care system.

[Thopp82]

While I appreciate and respect everyone's opinion, I believe some of you who are calling these mothers uneducated may actually be the uneducated ones in this matter. Although it is a little embarrassing to see people breastfeed in public, that is only because of societies view on what a woman's breast is for. It is completely natural for a woman to breastfeed. That is actually why we have breasts. I believe they should cover themselves with something as they do it (I am a little more modest), but I do not negatively judge those who do not cover themselves. For you to imply that it is gross or perverted in some way to let a child breastfeed and then allow their mate to play with them is very narrow-minded of you. When a woman breastfeeds, it is with a complete detached from pleasure. And so when she is in the mindset of pleasure, she does not connect it with her child for goodness sakes. Please, I implore people to do research with an open mind. Look at it from all sides of the picture, not just what you have grown up to believe to be correct or normal. Finally, a piece of advice...If you want people to look at your point of view as a well thought out, educated argument, please you some sort of grammar or spell check.